When We Were Boys: June 2012

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Now That Sandusky is Convicted

To those abused by Sandusky, Davis, and all the other predators, I write the following letter. This post is also a response to both the Sandusky conviction and a recent comment from Anonymous who read John's post from the early phases of the Sandusky affair.

As I say below, if only we had some way of reaching our abuser with a similar conviction. He's hidden by the statute of limitations and a murky trail of residence in Massachusetts.

It's my prayer that all of us find healing and peace.

= = = = =

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for coming by and leaving your post. I appreciate it.

I'm writing the day after Sandusky was convicted of, what, 45 counts? Given the number of accusers, I had no doubt that he would be found guilty. Where there's that much smoke, we know there's fire. How sad, and hardly surprising, that his adopted son came forward, once the jury started to deliberate, to say that he too was burned.

Our abuser, and I how I wish I could see him convicted, is a serial abuser who victimized scores, if not hundreds, of boys. Likewise, we will probably never know how many boys Sandusky assaulted. I hope that his conviction gives you, in a small way, some comfort that at least some of these monsters get caught. Never often enough and never in time to protect those of us who have been abused.

Reading your post, I know very well the lifelong impact of what happened to you. And I know that feeling of brokenness. As I look at my life, so many choices I've made or reactions I've had to different situations, stem from the abuse.

But let me leave one message. Never stop seeking to heal because it is possible. It is possible to do more than just endure the pain. It took me over 40 years. It took different paths, it took different healers. Perhaps the distance of time helped a little. I don't know. But I do know that, at last, I no longer feel broken in my soul. And I do know that, amidst the inevitable troubles, life will bring moments of sweetness, love, and peace in our hearts. Never lose hope, live in the knowledge you will heal. Because you will.

Healing does not mean forgetting your pain, putting it "all behind you." It doesn't mean forgetting your anger or even have to include forgiveness, except for yourself. It was never about you, never your fault. For me, it's become like a scar, one that's healed, knitting together the broken pieces in a unique, maybe odd, pattern. But like a scar, its become part of who I am and, with effort and some luck, I'm here at a place where I actually like myself, warts, dings, bent parts, bruises, broken bits, and all, because the sum of it all is me. I am no longer only a victim living with an open wound. I am me.

That's what I wish for you. May it come to you soon.

Again, thanks for coming by and lending your voice.

Peace, my friend.

George

What Happened

This is George Peabody. For two years during the mid Sixties, I was sexually abused by an English teacher at Park School in Brookline, Massachusetts. His name is Richard Neville Davis. What happened to me was the most difficult and damaging event in my life. It lasted for over two years. Its impact has echoed on for over forty more. At last, mostly healed, it’s time to tell the story.

I do so for two reasons. First, to make sure no others are in harm’s way today and, as important, to help those others who were abused by RND find peace and healing of their own.

In 1996, I reached a crisis point of depression. Knowing part of the cause was the abuse, I started to tell the story to family and friends. One of these was my childhood friend John Howland (we met when we were three!). John, to my utter astonishment, told me the same thing had happened to him. Here I was, thinking I’d been the only one, and John tells me that he, too, had been abused by RND.

In 2002 or so, at a Park School reunion, David Merrill, another long-time classmate at Park School, approached me and told me that we had RND in common. From a class of perhaps 15 boys, RND had abused three of us!

I was blessed to work with a remarkable therapist from 2003 to 2006. At last, I felt healed, no longer fundamentally broken. And have, since then, felt compelled to do something, to not simply walk away from all the work. To tell the story perhaps to give a purpose to the pain and hard work. But still I did nothing about it. While never completely out of my mind, life gets busy.

But earlier this year, David Merrill sent me the link to Daniel Weinreb’s Opening BBN Minds. The three of us met last summer, had breakfast in Watertown and then walked in Cambridge’s Mt. Auburn Cemetary to tell our stories. Daniel had bravely confronted Buckingham Brown & Nichols over its handling of the Washburn affair. His effort met with resistance until this fall when, after over a year of telling his story and gathering community support, the BB&N administration turned around handsomely.

And that was inspiration enough for me to finally move. I contacted Jerry Katz, headmaster at Park School, a week later. He committed to communicating our story to alumni/ae from that era and to his school community. He also put me in touch with the Brookline Police Department and Sergeant Detective Bill Riley with whom I met a couple of weeks later.

Where We Are Now

Detectives have met with RND. They are satisfied that children are not in his way. The Brookline Police are trying to establish if the statute of limitations has expired or not. Given that it was just six years in those days (I didn’t tell anyone for five years!), it is a long shot but one I expect the police to pursue. I pursue an action simply as a means to find the others who RND abused. There were three of us at Park. I saw him with two other boys from other schools. I know there are many more than five of us.

What We Want

To find the others.

To let them know they are no longer alone.

To help them, as we can, find support.

To see that justice is done.