From this morning's Wall Street Journal, I found the quote from Judge John Cleland to hit it exactly. Like Sandusky, RND took pleasure and satisfaction not only in the physical abuse but also in the manipulation of so many young hearts and souls, often under the noses of their parents.
"The tragedy of this crime is that it's a story of betrayal," Judge Cleland said before handing down the sentence in Centre County Court. "Those who have never encountered a pedophile can hardly begin to understand the anguish of those who have been so expertly deceived.…The crime is not only what you did to their bodies but what you did to their psyches and souls."
If you were abused by RND and the statute of limitations has not expired, please consider a criminal action against him. For me at least, he is not entitled to my forgiveness.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
And still more...
An anonymous post just arrived. This time from a man in France who was abused by RND in the mid-70s and who knew other kids who were similarly abused.
What astonishes me is how this blog continues to bring in others who were abused by Richard Neville Davis. Other men from New England, the UK, and now France. I can only assume that they've found this particular blog because they've done a search on the name of their abuser and found this site. Here we are, thirty and forty years later, wondering about the fate of the man who did so much damage.
How I wish the authorities, somewhere, could do something. And how I wish real consequences were enforced. An abuser here in Massachusetts just received ten years probation for his crimes. That is far too lenient given the damage.
What astonishes me is how this blog continues to bring in others who were abused by Richard Neville Davis. Other men from New England, the UK, and now France. I can only assume that they've found this particular blog because they've done a search on the name of their abuser and found this site. Here we are, thirty and forty years later, wondering about the fate of the man who did so much damage.
How I wish the authorities, somewhere, could do something. And how I wish real consequences were enforced. An abuser here in Massachusetts just received ten years probation for his crimes. That is far too lenient given the damage.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Now That Sandusky is Convicted
To those abused by Sandusky, Davis, and all the other predators, I write the following letter. This post is also a response to both the Sandusky conviction and a recent comment from Anonymous who read John's post from the early phases of the Sandusky affair.
As I say below, if only we had some way of reaching our abuser with a similar conviction. He's hidden by the statute of limitations and a murky trail of residence in Massachusetts.
It's my prayer that all of us find healing and peace.
= = = = =
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for coming by and leaving your post. I appreciate it.
I'm writing the day after Sandusky was convicted of, what, 45 counts? Given the number of accusers, I had no doubt that he would be found guilty. Where there's that much smoke, we know there's fire. How sad, and hardly surprising, that his adopted son came forward, once the jury started to deliberate, to say that he too was burned.
Our abuser, and I how I wish I could see him convicted, is a serial abuser who victimized scores, if not hundreds, of boys. Likewise, we will probably never know how many boys Sandusky assaulted. I hope that his conviction gives you, in a small way, some comfort that at least some of these monsters get caught. Never often enough and never in time to protect those of us who have been abused.
Reading your post, I know very well the lifelong impact of what happened to you. And I know that feeling of brokenness. As I look at my life, so many choices I've made or reactions I've had to different situations, stem from the abuse.
But let me leave one message. Never stop seeking to heal because it is possible. It is possible to do more than just endure the pain. It took me over 40 years. It took different paths, it took different healers. Perhaps the distance of time helped a little. I don't know. But I do know that, at last, I no longer feel broken in my soul. And I do know that, amidst the inevitable troubles, life will bring moments of sweetness, love, and peace in our hearts. Never lose hope, live in the knowledge you will heal. Because you will.
Healing does not mean forgetting your pain, putting it "all behind you." It doesn't mean forgetting your anger or even have to include forgiveness, except for yourself. It was never about you, never your fault. For me, it's become like a scar, one that's healed, knitting together the broken pieces in a unique, maybe odd, pattern. But like a scar, its become part of who I am and, with effort and some luck, I'm here at a place where I actually like myself, warts, dings, bent parts, bruises, broken bits, and all, because the sum of it all is me. I am no longer only a victim living with an open wound. I am me.
That's what I wish for you. May it come to you soon.
Again, thanks for coming by and lending your voice.
Peace, my friend.
George
Thursday, December 1, 2011
We're Not Alone
Following the Penn State debacle has certainly brought up memories of what happened to each of us at the hands of Neville Davis. And most of us can relate to the quote below from a victim's attorney. I know I thought I was the only one until almost 35 years later when John and I finally spoke about it.
"This kid suffered in secrecy and in silence and shame thinking he was the only one and never told a soul until the revelations came out about other kids and a coverup," Mr. Anderson said. "That's what caused him to come forward and break the silence."
In a statement released by Mr. Anderson, the plaintiff said he had never told anyone about being abused by Mr. Sandusky "until the newspapers reported that he had abused other kids." He said, "I am hurting and have been for a long time because of what happened but feel now even more tormented that I have learned that so many other kids were abused after me."
And More of Us Keep Appearing
About a month ago, I was contacted by two other men, both of whom I knew as acquaintances when I was being abused. And, yes, both of them reported a similar experience. Or worse.
The Sandusky / Penn State affair reminds me of how many kids are victimized and remain silent. And how many adults just cannot believe that people within the circle of trust are usually the perpetrators. All the cautions about strangers miss the point entirely. Perpetrators are almost always trusted members of the community, skillfully using their position to seduce and silence the kids while blinding parents and other responsible adults. Denial is also, of course, useful camouflage.
Friday, February 6, 2009
My experience
This is John Howland. Like George and David, for several years in the 1960's I was sexually abused by Neville Davis. I am very grateful to George and David for their willingness to publicly acknowledge their own abuse. I am also thankful for George's efforts to reach out to others that may have been victimized. This blog is an important part of that effort.
As you read these words, perhaps you too have been a victim of sexual abuse by Davis or someone else in your past. I hope that my words will be of some help to you as you try to come to terms with the abuse and find healing. Perhaps you have not been abused, but know someone that has. I hope that you will be able to minister to them, to help point them in the direction of healing.
I was born in 1953 and started at the Park School in kindergarten. Mr. Davis was my 5th grade English teacher. Those of you who knew him, will recall that he was a real charmer—dapper, charismatic, funny, rakish—a real Pied Piper. We were all enthralled with him. Yet, despite the power of his personality, he wasn’t much of a teacher—he was using his talents for other purposes.
At Park School it was not uncommon for teachers to invite students for special activities on the weekend. Mr. Bourne, for example, was forever taking students up to New Hampshire to climb Mt. Monadnock. Mr. Davis would take groups of students on weekend skiing trips. I remember being thrilled that I could join one of these junkets. Nothing inappropriate happened on the trip, but it was the beginning of a process of seduction.
Subsequent to the skiing trip, Davis invited me on a series of trips alone with him to New Hampshire for the weekend, to Martha’s Vineyard where his parents had a summer home. In retrospect, from the perspective of 2009, it seems amazing that a 12-year-old boy would have been allowed to spend the weekend alone with a teacher. Yet, this was 1965—before pedophilia became a household word. More importantly, Davis knew how to pick his victims. I was lonely, insecure, craving attention and affection—I was emotionally very vulnerable. My parents had just gotten divorced, my mother was in poor health, and my father was busy with work as a corporate lawyer. Parents trusted Park School and its faculty. It perhaps didn’t seem so unusual that one weekend I would go mountain climbing with Mr. Bourne and the next weekend go off with Mr. Davis. Unfortunately, no one realized that while Mr. Bourne intent was honorable, Davis’s was nefarious.
Sexual abuse by a pedophile is usually not a violent act. Davis was never violent with me—he was seductive and manipulative. This is typical of pedophiles. Pedophiles don’t need to physically "overpower" their victims. A reporter for the Boston Globe put it well when he wrote about pedophiles: “Their game is as much mental as physical. For many pedophiles, the thrill is largely in their ability to manipulate a child into various sexual acts and them intimidate him or her enough to maintain the relationship. Much of his satisfaction comes from having control over a ‘weaker creature.’” This was certainly true for Davis. Through a clever process of seduction and manipulation he led me to engage in sexual acts repeatedly over a period of several years.
I never told anyone that I had been sexually abused. I locked the whole affair away in a dark closet in my brain and never thought about it, at least consciously. Yet, the abuse was not dormant—it had toxic effects causing me to have persistent feelings of inadequacy, inability to communicate with others at a deep level, preventing me from being able to love and be loved. Sexual abuse does that to people, acting as a deep-seated infection poisoning the body, yet not seen on the surface. It wasn’t until I was in my 40’s and had experienced a powerful religious conversion that I was able to bring the abuse into the open, into the light of day. Thanks to the great love of God for me, I was able to overcome the shame, the fear, and the embarrassment of admitting that I had been sexually abuse. The first person I told was my wife. She was incredibly kind and supportive. I then told a colleague—in a round about way. Let me describe that in a little detail.
I am a family physician by profession. Like all family docs, I treat lots of folks with serious psychiatric problems. In the mid-1990’s, shortly after telling my wife about my abuse by Davis, I began to feel a need to speak to a psychiatrist—not for myself but for help in dealing with my patients. I met several times with a colleague and we discussed difficult patients. It was professionally very helpful and gave me great insight in how to help these patients with special problems. In the course of those meetings with the psychiatrist I revealed that Davis had abused me. What had been a professional meeting soon became psychotherapy. I can’t describe in words the great sense of relief I felt at getting the corruption out of my system. I felt clean, as if a great putrid abscess had been drained and removed from my body.
In 1996, after my sexual abuse was out in the open, I decided to track down Davis and confront him. I managed to get his phone number and called him. I said, “Hello, Mr. Davis, this is John Howland from Park School.” He replied, “I’m sorry but I don’t remember you.” This was the most painful part of the whole conversation. He did not remember me. How could he have forgotten? He had acted as if he loved me, but I was just an object, a tool that he used to satisfy his own depravity. I recounted for him what he had done to me, how he had sexually abused me. He gave me a vague sort of an apology, but didn’t admit to any wrongdoing. He said, “I suppose I made some mistakes, as we all do, but that’s in the past.”
I wondered, how many other young boys had fallen prey to his lust? At that time Davis was 65 years old. I wondered if he was still actively pursuing the satisfaction of his pedophilia. As you may know, pedophilia is usually a lifelong condition. I called the police hoping not so much that they would arrest and punish Davis, but that they would prevent him from abusing anyone further. The police did not pursue the case because it had apparently passed the statute of limitations. However, they did alert the local authorities in the town where Davis was residing, to let them know that he was a sex offender. I hope and pray that Davis’s criminal behavior has stopped. I pray that some day he will acknowledge the horror of his actions. I pray that some day Davis will be able to offer a sincere apology to his victims and more importantly an apology to God. Please join me, if you are able, in praying for the soul of Neville Davis and for all his victims.
It took me thirty years to admit to myself or anyone else that I had been sexually abused. It took thirty years for me to find healing from the damage done to my heart. Have you suffered sexual abuse in your past? Please, don’t be afraid—find someone you can trust and talk with them about what happened. Seek out a good counselor. If I can be of any help, don’t hesitate to contact me. I can be reached by calling 508-764-9800. That’s my work number—just say you’re an old friend and leave your number. I’ll call you back.
As you read these words, perhaps you too have been a victim of sexual abuse by Davis or someone else in your past. I hope that my words will be of some help to you as you try to come to terms with the abuse and find healing. Perhaps you have not been abused, but know someone that has. I hope that you will be able to minister to them, to help point them in the direction of healing.
I was born in 1953 and started at the Park School in kindergarten. Mr. Davis was my 5th grade English teacher. Those of you who knew him, will recall that he was a real charmer—dapper, charismatic, funny, rakish—a real Pied Piper. We were all enthralled with him. Yet, despite the power of his personality, he wasn’t much of a teacher—he was using his talents for other purposes.
At Park School it was not uncommon for teachers to invite students for special activities on the weekend. Mr. Bourne, for example, was forever taking students up to New Hampshire to climb Mt. Monadnock. Mr. Davis would take groups of students on weekend skiing trips. I remember being thrilled that I could join one of these junkets. Nothing inappropriate happened on the trip, but it was the beginning of a process of seduction.
Subsequent to the skiing trip, Davis invited me on a series of trips alone with him to New Hampshire for the weekend, to Martha’s Vineyard where his parents had a summer home. In retrospect, from the perspective of 2009, it seems amazing that a 12-year-old boy would have been allowed to spend the weekend alone with a teacher. Yet, this was 1965—before pedophilia became a household word. More importantly, Davis knew how to pick his victims. I was lonely, insecure, craving attention and affection—I was emotionally very vulnerable. My parents had just gotten divorced, my mother was in poor health, and my father was busy with work as a corporate lawyer. Parents trusted Park School and its faculty. It perhaps didn’t seem so unusual that one weekend I would go mountain climbing with Mr. Bourne and the next weekend go off with Mr. Davis. Unfortunately, no one realized that while Mr. Bourne intent was honorable, Davis’s was nefarious.
Sexual abuse by a pedophile is usually not a violent act. Davis was never violent with me—he was seductive and manipulative. This is typical of pedophiles. Pedophiles don’t need to physically "overpower" their victims. A reporter for the Boston Globe put it well when he wrote about pedophiles: “Their game is as much mental as physical. For many pedophiles, the thrill is largely in their ability to manipulate a child into various sexual acts and them intimidate him or her enough to maintain the relationship. Much of his satisfaction comes from having control over a ‘weaker creature.’” This was certainly true for Davis. Through a clever process of seduction and manipulation he led me to engage in sexual acts repeatedly over a period of several years.
I never told anyone that I had been sexually abused. I locked the whole affair away in a dark closet in my brain and never thought about it, at least consciously. Yet, the abuse was not dormant—it had toxic effects causing me to have persistent feelings of inadequacy, inability to communicate with others at a deep level, preventing me from being able to love and be loved. Sexual abuse does that to people, acting as a deep-seated infection poisoning the body, yet not seen on the surface. It wasn’t until I was in my 40’s and had experienced a powerful religious conversion that I was able to bring the abuse into the open, into the light of day. Thanks to the great love of God for me, I was able to overcome the shame, the fear, and the embarrassment of admitting that I had been sexually abuse. The first person I told was my wife. She was incredibly kind and supportive. I then told a colleague—in a round about way. Let me describe that in a little detail.
I am a family physician by profession. Like all family docs, I treat lots of folks with serious psychiatric problems. In the mid-1990’s, shortly after telling my wife about my abuse by Davis, I began to feel a need to speak to a psychiatrist—not for myself but for help in dealing with my patients. I met several times with a colleague and we discussed difficult patients. It was professionally very helpful and gave me great insight in how to help these patients with special problems. In the course of those meetings with the psychiatrist I revealed that Davis had abused me. What had been a professional meeting soon became psychotherapy. I can’t describe in words the great sense of relief I felt at getting the corruption out of my system. I felt clean, as if a great putrid abscess had been drained and removed from my body.
In 1996, after my sexual abuse was out in the open, I decided to track down Davis and confront him. I managed to get his phone number and called him. I said, “Hello, Mr. Davis, this is John Howland from Park School.” He replied, “I’m sorry but I don’t remember you.” This was the most painful part of the whole conversation. He did not remember me. How could he have forgotten? He had acted as if he loved me, but I was just an object, a tool that he used to satisfy his own depravity. I recounted for him what he had done to me, how he had sexually abused me. He gave me a vague sort of an apology, but didn’t admit to any wrongdoing. He said, “I suppose I made some mistakes, as we all do, but that’s in the past.”
I wondered, how many other young boys had fallen prey to his lust? At that time Davis was 65 years old. I wondered if he was still actively pursuing the satisfaction of his pedophilia. As you may know, pedophilia is usually a lifelong condition. I called the police hoping not so much that they would arrest and punish Davis, but that they would prevent him from abusing anyone further. The police did not pursue the case because it had apparently passed the statute of limitations. However, they did alert the local authorities in the town where Davis was residing, to let them know that he was a sex offender. I hope and pray that Davis’s criminal behavior has stopped. I pray that some day he will acknowledge the horror of his actions. I pray that some day Davis will be able to offer a sincere apology to his victims and more importantly an apology to God. Please join me, if you are able, in praying for the soul of Neville Davis and for all his victims.
It took me thirty years to admit to myself or anyone else that I had been sexually abused. It took thirty years for me to find healing from the damage done to my heart. Have you suffered sexual abuse in your past? Please, don’t be afraid—find someone you can trust and talk with them about what happened. Seek out a good counselor. If I can be of any help, don’t hesitate to contact me. I can be reached by calling 508-764-9800. That’s my work number—just say you’re an old friend and leave your number. I’ll call you back.
Monday, December 29, 2008
RND Whereabouts
We have learned that RND taught at Nobles from the fall of 1972 until sometime midwat into the 1973 school year. He apparently left abruptly.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Get the word out
I've heard from another classmate from the 7th grade and appreciate her words of support. It is terrific to hear from friends from so long ago. In my mind's eye, I see the kids we were and at the same time know that 40+ years have flowed under the bridge, taking us to parenthood, perhaps grand-parenthood.
So, here we are telling a 40+ year old story. Why go back so far?
This is really the last step in my healing and recovery. While it's had a huge impact on my life, I have been fortunate enough to avoid hugely self destructive inclinations, have had great support and, best of all, dwell in a great marriage and have two remarkable daughters. But walking away, healed, without finding the others doesn't feel right. It would forever be a huge loose end. Hence this effort.
Please circulate this link around. Push it to people who might know something of RND's employment history and travels. If you suspect someone was a victim, let them know about this page. Have them get in touch with me.
Let's see if we can find more of the others, perhaps get them some help and let RND understand that, even after decades of time, we are not the only ones to pay a price.
So, here we are telling a 40+ year old story. Why go back so far?
This is really the last step in my healing and recovery. While it's had a huge impact on my life, I have been fortunate enough to avoid hugely self destructive inclinations, have had great support and, best of all, dwell in a great marriage and have two remarkable daughters. But walking away, healed, without finding the others doesn't feel right. It would forever be a huge loose end. Hence this effort.
Please circulate this link around. Push it to people who might know something of RND's employment history and travels. If you suspect someone was a victim, let them know about this page. Have them get in touch with me.
Let's see if we can find more of the others, perhaps get them some help and let RND understand that, even after decades of time, we are not the only ones to pay a price.
Monday, December 22, 2008
First response
I heard from a Park classmate on Saturday in response to the letter from the school. She called me out of the blue (or the mists of time) to say, even at 11, she was convinced something was "not right" about RND. She added two more names to my mental count of those others possibly assaulted by RND, one of whom was at Park and the other at Dexter. And she had suspicions of several others including, perhaps, a girl. I've been hoping to hear of no more names. Not all hopes are answered.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Update
I spoke with Jerry Katz yesterday. He'd received four or five calls from others who were part of the Park community back when RND was working there. Fortunately, none of them reported having been victimized but many did say they remember something "not quite right" about the guy.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Where was he?
If you have any information about where RND worked and lived between 1966 and 1974, please let us know. We do know he taught at Nobles and Brimmer & May in the late Sixties and also at the Indian Mountain School sometime during that period. But some of the details are fuzzy. Your help in generating clarity would be most welcome.
The statute of limitations for aggravated sexual assault and battery - the crime for which RND would be charged now - during the mid-Sixties was six years. Once the perpetrator leaves the state, however, that clock stops. If it can be shown that RND had left Massachusetts within six years, then the authorities can proceed. While they are conducting their own investigation now, any information you may have would be most welcome.
The statute of limitations for aggravated sexual assault and battery - the crime for which RND would be charged now - during the mid-Sixties was six years. Once the perpetrator leaves the state, however, that clock stops. If it can be shown that RND had left Massachusetts within six years, then the authorities can proceed. While they are conducting their own investigation now, any information you may have would be most welcome.
and Jerry Katz's response to David's letter
David,
Thank you for getting in touch with me.
I want to apologize on behalf of Park School for your experiences with R. Neville Davis.
I really appreciate your thoughtful words in response to my recent letter to other alumni/ae from this era.
With great respect, Jerry Katz
Jerrold I. Katz
Head, Park School
171 Goddard Ave.
Brookline, MA 02445
617-277-2456
from David Merrill to Jerry Katz of Park School
Jerry Katz
Headmaster
Park School
Dear Jerry Katz,
I want to thank you for your robust response to George Peabody’s raising of the issue of Mr. Davis’s sexual abuse of Park School Students in the ‘60s. I thought your immediate respect for what he had to say and your immediate move to action is to your credit. I was most touched.
I was a classmate of George’s and also a victim of Davis. I largely share George’s current approach to the matter and am happy to have my name associated with his when the school deals with this topic. I can still remember specific instances involving Davis’s sexual advances both on the School premises, at this home and elsewhere. They all took place during my sixth grade year when he was my class room teacher However this is not the time to go into them. The point is that I am also a source of evidence of what Davis got up to.
I do want to say though that my overall feelings for Park are positive in fact better than for the school I attended afterwards, B&N. There were a number of features that made your school an attractive place when I attended it which had to do with the time, its smallness and a certain degree of experimentalism.
My message is though that I wanted to say that I was very impressed with how you reacted to George’s approaches. Also I should say I salute George for taking up this matter and keeping at it. Perhaps his efforts along with yours as well as the new sensibility reigning today about such matters will stop a repetition of such behaviour as Davis’s in the future.
Best wishes,
David Merrill
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